As I was clearing old posts on another site of mine, I came across this post…

The truth is…

I did not remember my anniversary this morning. In fact, until five minutes ago when a relative texted me “Happy Anniversary!”, I had no idea. And I’m sure my husband doesn’t either.

Last night at 1a.m., I started crying at my computer thinking about my four year old and questioning what I’m teaching him. As I try to relaunch my own branding and get my sites shipshape, plus taking good care of my clients, I’ve been on the computer a lot lately. Not to mention my husband has been running for political office, there’s all that. Then there’s a house I’ve never felt at home in and because of our new adult adventures, we fret about what most couples do – financial matters and the world dramas that impact us.
Blah, blah blah blah adult stuff, right? My son’s world is us and school and Thomas the Tank Engine.

So I came across this beautiful family and the lovely, warm site and a post about the tradition of birthday pancakes. Stack of special pancakes your birthday morning with candy confetti sprinkles and birthday candle for the first wish of the day. So simple, right? So fun… what a great tradition… what a great idea.

So I cried wondering how much he’s seeing. How much balancing am I really doing? Because this is it. Maybe it’s not the greatest house to me but it’s HOME to him. Beyond bedtime stories and songs and hugs and the “I love yous”, what else does a kid want? And we adults know, right? From our own childhoods… more time with mom and dad actually “being together.” Will my son grow up to think “screens” – computer, TV, phone, etc. – are more important than physically present people?

I do a good job of staying low-tech for the weekends, but I know I can do better the rest of the week. That was our talk this morning, my husband and I, not our anniversary. And I know “we” are just as important to tend and I’ll surprise him with something today.

So I cried and then I moved into action. I created a new schedule this morning where I will strive to limit “screen time” in his presence. I will try to get back to what I want. These quotes are part of the messages last night and I’m grateful. Every now and again we need that “whisper” that reminds us what’s really important.

iam_seeking_iam_strivingThe truth is you know who are. The truth is making sure your loved ones experience you more than the rest of the world – that’s what matters. Go do something you enjoy with someone you love today. Speak your truth to them. Share your life with them. We can talk about you kicking ass tomorrow.

This post was three and a half years ago. I have yet to make birthday pancakes but I just noted it for his birthday this year. For Valentine’s this past week I did sneak into his room at midnight and decorate his walls with hearts sharing what I loved about him. That was good. That was creative.

My husband are no longer together in the married sense. We are still knee deep in co-parenting and communicating and keeping our boy balanced and happy. I still worry about what my son sees, what I am demonstrating – I use this “worry” as a catalyst for action to set weekly and monthly intentions and activities for us.

We go to plays, movies, hikes, visits to relatives and more. The library is a favorite place – he loves to read and I am encouraged. I try not to “road rage” with him in the car. We have our playlists and sing in the car.

I share this post because it still rings true. I still want birthday pancakes. I feel much closer to making them happen.