I began this blog to work on regaining trust in myself. I’m going through a divorce. It’s a strange thing. Waiting, waiting for a lawyer to meet with us, finalize papers, waiting, waiting, have the state declare us divorced.
Then there it will be like a switch. Waiting waiting for the lights to go on. To come out of the dark.
But I’m still in the waiting, the before. And trusting myself, my instincts, my assessment of others feels tampered with once again.
I’m a great believer in people and in hope and in light and in good prevails so feeling this way hurts. Doubting is not who I am and especially doubting myself makes me feel quite dizzy. A vertigo of the soul, if you will.
So I’m reading. I’m trying to return to daily writing. I’m trying to get to bed early and sleep.
But there have been many nights of late, where I’m awake at 1am, listless, not sure of why I’m up.
I guess I’m waiting.
For October, I’m writing in conjunction with 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes and each post is written in five minutes flat.